Genuine Self-Esteem is not Based on Appearance

by Anne Ream

Everyone needs and has a right to positive self-esteem. Genuine self-esteem is not based in appearance. Genuine self-esteem has nothing to do with color of hair, eyes or skin. It has nothing to do with the size of any body parts. Nor does it have anything to do with how we are put together physically.

Genuine positive self-esteem comes from the inside and begins when we are infants. It begins to grow from how well we are valued as infants, toddlers and children. As we grow up and begin to go out into the world we meet other people, many of whom have not been loved and valued well enough by their parents or caretakers. Those people may try to de-value us according to our appearance. This is immature, unhealthy thinking. That is when parents/caregivers can help children continue to build healthy internal self-esteem by teaching them how to ignore that type of thinking.

Attraction is based on appearance. However, attraction is short lived and has little to do with love. Love takes work and involves respecting the other person. A person cannot love and respect another unless she/he loves and respects him/her self. Being able to love and respect yourself involves the building of genuine self-esteem from infancy on up through adulthood, from the inside out. People are much more attractive when they have genuine positive self-esteem. Inner directed positive self-esteem results in individuals being more relaxed.

Unfortunately, the commercial aspect of society has (unwisely) taken advantage of low self-esteem by trying to sell the idea that if a person looks a certain way their lives will be better. Rarely does this come true. This type of thinking has been part of the problem for many years. Recently, I have noticed a change occurring, a maturation of thinking in commercial society. I see more and more people in advertisements and on TV shows whose appearance is what might be called “average”. I find this to be encouraging.

People with genuine positive self-esteem can resist the pressure from others to “fix” their appearance. Those with high self-esteem know that their appearance is good enough. People with high self-esteem base their self esteem on who they are, rather than how they look.

Changing our physical appearance does not change how we think or feel. Changing our physical appearance will not prevent the aging process. Enlarged breasts will fall, the body does get old, change is the only constant in life. And we have a right and need to feel good about ourselves even when we are a hundred years old and laden with wrinkles.

Raising self-esteem involves mental and emotional work. Although I call this work, it is very pleasant to work to do, because feeling better about ourselves, simply feels good.


Anne is a Board Certified Registered art therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. Anne has been studying human development and relationships for over 45 years. She has been successfully working with families, in various capacities, for over 20 years. Her private practice is in the Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia PA. She specializes in helping people recover from various types of trauma, difficult changes and loss. Anne has an unusual ability to connect with children and adolescents, along with their parents. Parenting is the most important job we ever do, yet no one shows us how to do it or gives us the support we need. Anne has successfully coached many parents through a variety of critical stages in their children’s lives. Annes greatest joy is helping people understand themselves and each other.

http://www.annescreativetherapy.com

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