Planning Your Wedding Together
by Irene Conlan
Are you willing to yield to the expertise of the other? Can you divide up the workload evenly and not second guess each other, but trust that it will be done correctly and on time? What do you do when you have a huge disagreement? Do you have a plan to work things out, to negotiate until you find a common ground of agreement? Does one of you hold a grudge if the decision doesn’t always go your way?
How do you handle money? Is one of you “tight-fisted” with money and the other an impulse spender? Can you agree on an amount you can spend independently without consulting the other? What happens if one of you doesn’t abide by the agreed upon amount? How do you resolve the issue?
Do you have similar likes and dislikes? Do you find that you almost always pick the same thing, even though you aren’t together at the time? Do you, for example, generally like the same colors, music, style? If not, do you know and appreciate what the other one likes? Is it o.k. to like different things? If not, does one of you always have to capitulate or do you find ways to work out who gives in now and who gives in later?
If, as you get closer to the wedding date, you find that you are at each others throats and are playing the “blame game” or the “poor me, the martyr” scenario, it’s time to stop and take a good hard look at your relationship. Marriage is made up of multitudinous compromises by each of you. It requires give and take, yes and no, me and you in equal proportions. If the problem is a matter of exhaustion or the “jitters” that’s one thing. But if you simply cannot work together, take some time to think it over, even if it means postponing the wedding. Some pre-nuptial counseling may be of help before you proceed.
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