Real Men Help Out
by Marco Rodriguez
"Would it kill you to lend a helping hand?!"
How many times has a groom-to-be heard this phrase before? The wording may not be exact, but the sentiments are the same. It may be hard to believe, but you’re not the only man in the world slacking off on your wedding chores. For many people, planning a wedding is a very complicated task. For most women, planning their wedding is difficult, but it’s also a dream come true. Here’s the challenge: How can a man participate in the process and convince his mate that he is contributing to the wedding?
Here are a few suggestions:
Accept the obvious.
Men, listen up. You need to realize that most women have had dreams of their perfect wedding since they were little girls. It can be an uphill battle for many of you to provide any input at all. Remember, your fianceé may have been planning your wedding for a long time, and the only missing ingredient was you.
Don’t feel bad if you feel like you’re being left out of the planning process in the beginning. There’s a good chance that your girl rushed off to the magazine stand the day after you proposed and snatched up every wedding magazine she could find. She’s been waiting for this moment for a long time, and it’s finally arrived! Unfortunately, this can leave most men lagging behind their brides who’ve had a head start on this event for years.
There are two of you now!
Hey, guys, remember the day that you got engaged? You probably spent countless days trying to come up with the best time and place to pop the question. In most cases, your big plans worked out and your fianceé was overwhelmed with joy. Note to brides: See, men can plan things out if they want to!
But, now, there are two of you and you have to create your wedding with your bride-to-be. This may not be as much fun. Planning the wedding proposal took a lot of time and effort, but you were able to control every aspect leading up to that moment. You had the freedom to iron out all of the details without having to check in with someone else. Now, you have to negotiate and figure out what’s best for both of you.
Here’s something else to think about. Since you went to such great lengths to plan out the proposal, your bride-to-be might have high expectations of your participation in the wedding plans. Your creativity impressed her so much that she looks forward to planning your wedding together. She might be disappointed if you don’t throw yourself into the wedding plans with gusto.
You may still be auditioning for the part
All men who were fortunate enough to have their proposal accepted by that special woman in their lives should be careful because the audition is not over yet. The time a couple spends planning a wedding can give a woman a good idea of the kind of man she’s marrying. If you show her patience, kindness, and attentiveness to her suggestions, then the planning, and the audition, will go smoothly.
Who is this wedding for anyway?!
The hardest thing for a couple to realize is that their wedding is a celebration of their love, and not a showcase for their family and friends. A wedding can become a political affair if you have too many family members contributing their ideas and opinions from every angle. If you invite a several people to a tasting with the caterer, the location can feel a little crowded. Actually, the relationship might feel a little crowded, too.
Keep the decision-making to the two of you, even though you might have parents or others contributing financially to the wedding
If a man has to go through the woman’s mother, sisters, aunts and grandmother to make a simple decision like what kind of wine to serve at the reception, he might withdraw from the process and stop participating altogether. Remember the song "Just the Two of Us"? Keep the decision-making to the two of you, even though you might have parents or others contributing financially to the wedding. It will keep things simple.
Compromise.
Having a wedding processional song that sounds like anything from the Heavy Metal genre may not sound like the best idea to the bride-to-be. But, you might think that it’s the best idea in the world! Your fianceé may get annoyed with some of your crazy ideas, like having the wedding dress match the colors of your alma mater. Or, if you’re really daring, you might suggest that the wedding cake be shaped in the form of anything sports related. Don’t be surprised if she unleashes her fury, and you feel like you’ve started World War III.
Here’s what you can do: Listen to her ideas and offer some of your own. She may be open to matching the bridesmaid’s dresses to the colors of the Chicago Bears, or she may not. You have to keep working on this together. Don’t give up if you feel overwhelmed, because it will make the process that much harder for you both. It’s worth it trust me. If you’re anything like me, you’ll breathe a sigh of relief when you’re standing at the altar next to the woman you love. From that point on, it’ll be smooth sailing for the rest of the day.
Okay, here’s my last thought. Although a woman may have her wedding already planned out before she even meets the man of her dreams, the picture perfect wedding day is best painted by two artists, not one.
Good luck!
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