Should You Have a Civil or Religious Ceremony?
by Bridget Mora
One of the most significant decisions that a bride and groom have to make is about their marriage ceremony. For some couples, there is no choice: they are active members in a church and will be wed there. Other couples feel just the opposite: they have no religious affiliation, and so will definitely have a civil ceremony. But many people fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, and they will have to make a choice about which type of ceremony to have.
There can be a variety of reasons why a couple may not be sure about having a religious ceremony. One of the most common is when the bride and groom are of different religions. The question can also arise when only one half of the nearlyweds belongs to an organized religion. In both of these situations, the question is whose beliefs should take a precedence. A good rule of thumb is that if one of the parties feels more strongly about religion than the other, then their future spouse should honor that.
Some couples are not regular church-goers, but may decide that they want to have their ceremony in a house of worship because it is traditional. For those that choose this option, they will also likely have to decide how formal a ceremony to have. Catholics, for instance, can decide whether or not to include a full Mass during their marriage service. In making that decision, you would weigh not only the beliefs of the couple, but also of the key guests. If a large number of the guests would be excluded from a part of your ceremony (such as the Mass for non-Catholics), you should factor that into your decision, if you don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other.
In certain cases, the decision will be made for you by your religion. Some denominations require both parties to be of that faith to be wed in their house of worship. For example, I once attended a wedding between a Mormon man and a Jewish woman. The groom’s faith did not perform services between inter-faith couples. Because neither was converting to the other’s religion, they opted for a civil ceremony.
Having a civil ceremony does not mean that the wedding cannot still be formal or traditional. If you have always envisioned yourself walking down an aisle in a princess-style gown complete with a cathedral length veil and opulent crystal bridal jewelry, you can still do that and have a civil ceremony. As a matter of fact, there are even some beautiful former churches that are now historical sites for rent. This is a perfect option for a bride who wants all the trappings of a traditional church wedding, but has chosen a civil ceremony. You can have a justice of the peace and your Cinderella moment, complete with fabulous crystal bridal jewelry.
In Europe, it is very common for couples to have both a civil and a religious ceremony. Typically, the civil ceremony is performed first, and is the legally binding one recognized by the government. Then, if a couple chooses, they can follow with a religious ceremony, either on the same day or at a later time. This can be a nice idea for a bride and groom who feel like they need to get married quickly, but would still like to have a big wedding with all of their family and friends. It is frequently seen when one of the partners is about to be deployed with the military, but there are a myriad of other situations for which the dual ceremony would be a good solution (I knew one couple who did it for the health insurance).
The type of ceremony that you and your fiance choose is one of the first important decisions that you will make about your marriage. When the two people have different opinions, it is also a great opportunity to work on that building block of every healthy marriage: compromise. Whether you opt for a traditional religious service or a civil ceremony, the choice will be the right one if the bride and groom make it together.
Copyright 2004 Wedding Chicago, inc. All rights reserved.
This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.