Should You Have a Civil or Religious Ceremony?

by Bridget Mora

One of the most significant decisions that a bride and groom have to make is about their marriage ceremony. For some couples, there is no choice: they are active members in a church and will be wed there. Other couples feel just the opposite: they have no religious affiliation, and so will definitely have a civil ceremony. But many people fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, and they will have to make a choice about which type of ceremony to have.

There can be a variety of reasons why a couple may not be sure about having a religious ceremony. One of the most common is when the bride and groom are of different religions. The question can also arise when only one half of the nearlyweds belongs to an organized religion. In both of these situations, the question is whose beliefs should take a precedence. A good rule of thumb is that if one of the parties feels more strongly about religion than the other, then their future spouse should honor that.

Some couples are not regular church-goers, but may decide that they want to have their ceremony in a house of worship because it is traditional. For those that choose this option, they will also likely have to decide how formal a ceremony to have. Catholics, for instance, can decide whether or not to include a full Mass during their marriage service. In making that decision, you would weigh not only the beliefs of the couple, but also of the key guests. If a large number of the guests would be excluded from a part of your ceremony (such as the Mass for non-Catholics), you should factor that into your decision, if you don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other.

In certain cases, the decision will be made for you by your religion. Some denominations require both parties to be of that faith to be wed in their house of worship. For example, I once attended a wedding between a Mormon man and a Jewish woman. The groom’s faith did not perform services between inter-faith couples. Because neither was converting to the other’s religion, they opted for a civil ceremony.

12 next »