Ten Steps to Making Love not War
by Damon Taylor
6. Respect - Respecting your partner’s opinion is important. As individuals we all have different views and beliefs about various topics, however it is vital to remember that just because your partner thinks differently does not mean that they are wrong. Understanding your partner’s opinion, whether you agree with it or not allows for effective communication because it then opens the door for negotiation.
7. Reflect - Many of us wonder what we fought about after fighting with out partner. Often when we reflect on the argument that we had, we find that the issue wasn’t as big as what we initially thought it was. Hindsight is a pain, and we can’t change what occurred or what was said, however reflecting on our behaviours and making a conscious effort to address the issue differently next time is important. Developing a high level of emotional intelligence takes time and practice, this means encountering conflict and learning how to deal with it effectively. It’s important to be aware of how we are feeling during conflict, and to act accordingly. If you are feeling angry, then it is important to realise this and leave the situation. Sometimes using ‘I’ statements can help. For instance, “i feel really angry right now, so i’m going to have a break”.
8. Implement - Implement the effective strategies you develop. It’s no use discussing the rules and brainstorming strategies for effective communication. In order for effective communication to occur, you need to put money where your mouth is and actually do what you say you are going to do. This also provides you with the opportunity to see if your strategies do make a difference to how you communicate.
9. Compromise - There will be times when coming to an agreement or resolving the issue may be impossible. During such times, it is important to compromise in order to produce a win win outcome. Both parties are thus left feeling happier, and move on from the issue.
10. Positive affirmation - Whilst it is easy to throw destructive and hurtful remarks to one another, it is vital that poisonous words that you may not have meant are followed with positive affirmation. Remember to tell your partner what you do LIKE about them as opposed to what irritates you. Subsequently, remember to show your partner that you love them and care about them. Like the old saying, actions speak louder than words, showing your partner that you love them can result in perfect harmony.
Communicating can be extremely difficult, and for most us we often feel like bashing our heads against a brick wall when trying to deliver our point across. Following these simple steps will hopefully provide some positive guidelines to effectively engaging with your partner during times of conflict.
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