When Good Change Feels Bad
by Sara Casey Connell, M.A.R
No one expects change to be easy. Difficult transitions such as losing a job, ending a relationship or moving to a new city where you don’t know anyone at all may require a painful adjustment period. We’re not surprised. We expect it. In these times, we call on our friends or family for support, or just to talk. We vent, we cry, or we yell out our feelings. Eventually, the feelings pass, we acclimate, and life gets better.
Thankfully, life is full of so many good changes as well. Making new friends, receiving a big promotion, and getting engaged all rank high up on the list. These kind of changes mean that life is good and chockfull of new surprises.
You’re so excited! Friends and family members squeal with delight when they hear of your engagement. You’re a vision of the picture-perfect bride glowing, radiant and on top of the world. Then, out of the blue, feelings of sadness, fear and anxiety roar through your veins. You’re stressed out, can’t sleep and your face is breaking out. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life, so what’s wrong?
The focus here is on connecting your mind and body
Physiologically, fear and excitement register the same way in the body. Both can cause stress and an overwhelming sense of feeling out of control. External factors such as family dynamics, the handling of large sums of money, and an ever-growing “to do” list can drive some of the sanest women over the edge. So what’s a bride to do?
Well, we can’t take away the feelings or all of the stress. You’re on an adventure and big feelings are part of the deal. The good news is that there is a way to have it all - the feelings, adventure and your sanity. Here are six core concepts that you can use to transform any change into a positive, healthy experience. The focus here is on connecting your mind and body, decreasing your stress levels and realigning yourself to the bigger picture.
1) Acknowledge your feelings
Even though no one tells you so, you’re ALLOWED to have negative feelings when you’re engaged. They’re not only allowed, they’re normal. Be honest with yourself about how you really feel. Listen to your heart, your head, and your body. Check in regularly to see when you’re feeling tired or pushed to the limit.
Giving yourself permission to feel however you do in any given moment allows the feelings to pass through you, rather than rule you. Try keeping a journal and write down your thoughts and feelings as they arise. Take some quiet time on a regular basis to soak your troubles away in a long, hot bath.
2) Take it easy
Avoid scheduling too many appointments with vendors on a single day. If your brain is fried, postpone a social event to just spend quiet time alone or with your partner. Choose at least one day a week where you don’t talk about the wedding and you spend time simply enjoying each other’s company. Getting a great night’s sleep is crucial. Consider setting aside a few minutes each night to read or meditate. There’s a good chance you’ll wake up the next day refreshed and with more energy to plan your wedding.
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