Working Together
by An Interview with Taunya Woods
By Alison Lonesome Rodriguez
Marriage as a Partnership
Alison: We all grew up with different role models for marriage and family. How can couples create a loving marriage that will grow and mature with them?
Taunya: Marriage will not be a bed of roses everyday. Times will be hard. You won’t agree on everything just because you’re married. Are you in it for the long haul, or do you have one foot of the door? Marriage is a long-term partnership that requires commitment and understanding.
A good way to strengthen a relationship is to connect with your partner on a friend or companion level. What are his/her likes and dislikes? Have you made an effort to find out more about his/her passions? He’s liked hockey, for instance, a lot longer than he’s known you. Are you trying to find out more about the sport, or have you watched a hockey game with him on TV?
Alison: But, Taunya, what if you don’t like some of his passions? What if he’s crazy about hockey and the very thought of going to a game makes you ill? What’s wrong with having your own likes and dislikes? For instance, I enjoy having afternoon tea at the Peninsula Hotel. My husband has absolutely no interest in that, so I share that time with one of my girlfriends. That works out just fine for us. If I didn’t have my own likes and dislikes, I might expect him to fulfill all of my needs.
You may start making plans without thinking about him at all. He may begin to wonder when he’ll ever see you.
Taunya: You’re right. There’s nothing wrong with having your own likes and dislikes. There is a danger in creating a whole separate life that doesn’t include your husband. Let’s say you love going to plays, and he couldn’t be bothered with that nonsense. With whom will you share this part of your life? Maybe you’ll see plays with your friends, and everything will be fine. But, if you’re living your life as a single person and finding hobbies that don’t include him at all, you’re in danger of creating a wedge in the relationship. You may start making plans without thinking about him at all. He may begin to wonder when he’ll ever see you.
We’re all different and every couple has their own way of working. What I’m saying is that it’s important to come together in your passions to find out more about the other person. It will help strengthen your marriage. Both of you don’t have to know everything about your passions and your hobbies, but it makes a difference if you both try to find out a little bit more about them.
I’ll give you an example. I have a friend whose husband really loves to go fishing. My friend is very feminine and often wears 3-inch heels. One day she decided that she’d like to find out more about his hobby. She joined her husband and a few other couples on a fishing trip out in the country. She didn’t realize that the main fishing area was in a swamp, and the only shoes she wore were her 3-inch heels. In spite of everything, she wore those heels in the swamp and did her best to fish right alongside her husband. He had a nice little chuckle that day, but he thanked her for trying.
That’s what it comes down to...just try. You’re not perfect, and the marriage will have its ups and downs. If you work together and try to live in the solution, your marriage will become stronger everyday.
Copyright 2004 Wedding Chicago, inc. All rights reserved.
This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Print article
Email to friend