Pre-marital Therapist vs. Wedding Mediator for your Wedding

May 23, 2006

I stumbled across a blog called MediationNewsOnline.com and read an interesting entry about couples hiring wedding mediators to deal with their family issues.

The blog referenced a press release from the Century City Mediation Group that detailed the ways you can plan your wedding with a little outside help from professional mediators.

I have to admit that I recommend seeing a therapist or a member of the clergy rather than hiring a professional mediator.

The press release talked about the ramifications of inviting the new spouses of divorced parents or having one wedding with two people from different religious and/or cultural backgrounds.  Problems can also arise if the bride and groom have different expecations of what type of wedding they would like.

I don’t agree with the idea of having a mediator for your wedding.  I highly suggest seeing a therapist for pre-marital counselling to get a better understanding of marriage before you jump the broom, but seeing a wedding mediator would involve the entire family in your wedding plans.

I guess I understand the idea.  Sometimes family members can be hell in a handbasket because they want their needs met during your wedding.  The family of the bride gets upset if the couple decides to break with tradition to have a non-religious wedding.  But, it’s the couple’s wedding.  If the family gets upset, that’s tough.

It’s hard enough trying to deal with the stress of planning a wedding without having to deal with all of the personalities from different family members.  When it comes down to it, it’s your wedding.  You really get to do whatever you want to do.

Boundaries are wonderful things to establish during wedding planning.  If someone is acting up and causing a ruckus because you’re not having the type of wedding they want you to have, then maybe talk to them about their behaviour and tell them how it makes you feel.  People get crazy when their loved ones plan a wedding and sometimes they do weird things to influence your decisions.  Sometimes they just want a little attention and they want to make sure that their opinion matters to you.

A wedding mediator implies that you have to have an outside person mediate the murky waters of your family relationships during the wedding planning.  Planning a wedding involves two people who happen to invite lots of other people.  It’s not a business deal where you have to compromise and get all parties on board with the plan.  That just doesn’t sound like a healthy way for the couple to start their lives together.

Those are just my two thoughts.  Consider working with a priest or therapist prior to your wedding to create a good foundation for marriage with your partner.  Talk to them about any family problems that may come up during the engagement and ask for guidance.  I’m sure they’ll help you through any issues that may come up.

Take care!

Alison

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