Create a Strong Marriage

June 15, 2006

Smart couples use their engagement period to build a foundation for a strong marriage.  Marriage is not easy.  Some days it will be downright difficult to support the one you love without going completely nuts at the same time.  The patterns that you create during your engagement will play out in your marriage.

I’ve talked to a number of couples about the stressful periods during their engagement.  One bride complained that her groom-to-be did not take an active part in the planning and pushed the entire process off on her.  She was resentful that he didn’t help out more and she snapped at him more than usual during the engagement.  He thought he was doing a good thing by getting out of her way and letting her create the wedding she always wanted.

After they were married, the husband still continued to take a backseat when planning their nights out on the weekends.  She would make the plans and he went along with whatever she came up with.  Without thinking about it they set up an unequal relationship, where she was the leader & the decision-maker and he was the follower.

The husband started acting out in different ways by not coming home immediately after work and spending more time on the internet.  This does not indicate an unhealthy relationship, but over time these cracks could widen.

The coping methods and lines of communication that you create during the engagement will play out during the marriage.  I see so many couples setting themselves up for failure when they snap and pick on one another while planning their wedding.  A wedding is supposed to be a celebration, not some extravagant event you create in spite of your partner.

It might sound like a cliche’, but work things out with your fiance to the best of your ability during the engagement.  Create a sound foundation for your marriage because you will go through difficult times.  A good foundation will help you weather the tough patches.

Take care!

Alison