When to Say I Don't - Marriage Preparation

August 2, 2006

It’s amazing how the engagement ring has the power to completely change our lives.  Once the ring is on their finger, many brides start the wedding planning and the countdown to the big day.

It’s important to remember that the engagement period is the time to prepare for marriage, not just a time to plan a fabulous party.  Marriage is a lifelong commitment that takes time, patience, love and devotion from two people. 

Marital preparation deserves to be the focus during the engagement because it’s easy to forget that marriage is sometimes a challenging partnership.  If you are so focused on having the wedding of your dreams, you may not realize that you’re marrying a controlling, vindictive person who may not have your best interests at heart.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the details of the wedding planning that you ignore the warning signs and red flags in a relationship.  You may try to rationalize your partner’s bad behavior because he or she is under a lot of stress planning the wedding or in their career.

But think about it...life will always have challenges.  An elderly parent may require special needs after a surgery, your partner may lose his/her job...will you have a strong enough marriage to endure?

If your partner is acting out during the engagement and treating you badly, you might want to rethink the idea of marrying this person.  If you get fed up with them years down the road, you can’t just say “I’m outta here” and that’s it.  Divorce is expensive and painful and not to be taken lightly. 

Take your time during the engagement to really look at the person you’re engaged to.  Look at their actions - a person may say “I love you”, but will also criticize you, demean you and try to control your every move.

Love is an action, not just a feeling.  Even when I’m angry with someone, I don’t have the right to act out or insult them in any way.  That’s not appropriate behaviour.

Just a few things to think about…

Take care!

Alison